Thursday, December 23, 2010

Cleaning Conundrums

Surely I'm not the only one with the problem of getting household chores done. It recently has been a MASSIVE problem here.. As in NO ONE but me has done any.. No one.. It's annoying.. It's ire inspiring.. It's aggravating to ask for help and watch people play games, surf the internet for hours and HOURS and watch TV as I do the work. It's a rather big conundrum.

Well a few weeks ago, before the the boycott of cleaning began, I made a deal with the kids that IF they helped me clean the bathrooms, they could use "Mommy's Bathroom". I don't know why this bathroom is so special, it's just the bathroom attached to the master bedroom. But for several weeks it was enough for them to think cleaning bathrooms was Super Cool. Until Now. Neither would help me. SOOOOOOO Neither is now allowed to use "Mommy's Bathroom". At all. Which got me to thinking.. If that is the consequence for not helping clean for the kids, would it work for *cough* larger people.. Adult people..Hummmm...

Yes, You can probably see where this is going now. Because if I am the only one scrubbing and cleaning, there should be some reward for this even if it is meager. SOOOOOOOO.... I have proclaimed that *If* you do not actively participate in the daily cleaning and chore, you will not be allowed to use Mommy's Bathroom. Applicable to EVERYONE.. Because by golly, then at least I can have a clean bathroom to myself. Now this got me a bit of a scowl at shower time this morning, and yet... My bathroom doesn't have the customary wet foot print and hair it usually does after I've just cleaned it SOOOO *shrug* I'm not sure I care..

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Here comes Santa Clause..

Ok.. Not really.. But still..

Everything has been purchased for a few weeks and is ready, ok, not wrapped.. But planned out for a few weeks now. I like to be DONE for life's little unplanned surprises... Except I seem to always for get the pajamas. And now.. I just can't find any good ones....


Now really if THIS were truly my only problem I would be golden, because in reality it's not. It's SOOO not my real problem in life. BUT, I'm going to pretend that finding matching pj's IS a problem and by golly it's an IMPORTANT problem.. Sure that's my life problem.. :) If I can pretend, so can you right?

Now, on to more important things.. BAKING!

This weekend we are going to assemble (assuming everyone is well enough - which is somewhat iffy at our house now a days..) our yearly gingerbread house..

And I'm thinking.. Cookie Decorating may need to be done too... Me thinks me thinks...

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Good evening..

All I have to say is..

"It's SOOOOO FLUFFFFFFFFYYYYYYYY, I COULD DIE!!"

Thank you.. And good night..

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Sittin' HERE...

A lot.. T2 had sinus surgery yesterday morning.. again.. for the 9th time. (Really 9.. We even have the 9 baby bears they give you each time you go in to take home with you..) This time is particularly bad. They redrilled his posterior sinus hole thing and he's got gushing bloody green boogers oozing out. The good, things had NOT been coming out.. The bad.. This hurts him. The really REALLY bad.. The Dr. said in a grave tone that his sinus may just NEVER function correctly and basically he may be screwed.

Am I ok with this solution.. Not so much. It may be time to move on to a better Dr. even though we've already gotten another opinion from allergist type guy who agreed that this was a reasonable path to go given his sinusitis history. (He has JUST enough of an opening for it to be chronically infected.) What a conundrum.. BUT, temporarily this seems to have relieved his cough that had gotten NASTY and juicy. When we go in for his followup in 2 weeks, I'm going to try to push for a more concrete plan other than "wait and see" from the ENT else I'm going to take him to the ped and see if they can help me construct a longer term solution for my wee guy.

Now I have also figured out that I can learn a lot of other things from other people's blogs that I'm just to self absorbed to figure out otherwise.. Like apparently according to Sarah's blog there's a chance of snow. Isn't that just a kick in the pants. Shows ya how much I pay attention to the world..


And now for something completely different.. T1 has well.. Figured out Santa me thinks.. Kinda like how she "KNOWS" Spider the cat isn't "visiting" the vet but rather kicked the proverbial bucket, but is happy in her land of delusion (which is ok with me - it rather save me the effort). Like 1 & 2 have noticed boxes arriving and me not opening them. *I* usually don't anyway, but C usually will. But right now there is kind of a stack of well, boxes, on the floor in my room. And kids and boxes... They must know what's in them apparently. And I won't open them. *I* already know what's in them. # 1 came up all sassy and asked "Are those.... *doe eye blink* Christmas presents for us? Is THAT why you won't open them and show us..?" Soooo Yeah the gig is up. I must admit I COULD have lied, and I did.. But only a little. I told her that Santa comes but really given the size of the boxes, there was no way he was dragging his fat ass around and getting all that crap delivered in one night so when he got some stuff ready he went ahead and mailed it.. Do I think they actually BOUGHT this lie? Ohh heck no.. Are they leaving it alone now.. YES, thank heaven for small favors. AND Now anxiety girl KNOWS without a doubt that there will be presents and she doesn't need to worry if there will be some (Which you would be surprised how much anxiety this can cause... Will Santa find me? How will he find me? But what if I am not ALL the way asleep will me miss me? What if I'm not good enough? and then all of those "helpful' people saying things like "You'd better be good or Santa won't come.")

Now.. On to something completely different.. (As you can tell, I've been sequestered to sit.. And cuddle.. A LOT with post surgery boy.. And while I must be used as a pillow, I can type? I'm not sure on this logic either.)

Let's ponder pie. I like pie. I really Like PIE. I currently have no pie. I enjoy a nice tender yet flaky crust with just a hit of sweetness. I must admit I do have an order of pie love:

1. Apple: Super thin slices with a mixed variety of apple kinds.. Heaping full with a little sugar on the top crust. Fortunately NO ONE else in my house likes it. If I got the ordeal of making it, It's ALLLL mine..

2. Peach Pie: Sadly, I can't have this one anymore. Stupid allergies. Stupid stupid allergies.

3. Lemon Meringue Pie: I sooo need to make one of these. I haven't had one is SOOO long..

4. Pumpkin Pie: Ehh it's ok. Really rather over played and it's a single crust pie without that sugary flaky crust on top that I really like so much. But both #1 and #2 loooovvveee pumpkin pie middle. I'll even just make them a loaf pan of the middle and they'll eat that. Neither of them like crust. It's tragic.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Family

We all have it to some extent and it's all in what we DO with it - especially after we are adults that makes it or breaks it, I suppose. My sister.. Let's call her ummmmm "J2" (vs J1 for the other sister) has recently taken on a project to TEACH other people how to "parent". Which, in theory, is a reasonable cause. There are some people who need that kind of course. There are some people who are forced to take that kind of course. And there are some people who lack any common sense at all. What I find strangely ironic is that my sister falls into AT LEAST 2 of these categories. And now that she's "Teaching" THOSE people (you know the ones she is magically better than) she feels she can criticize everyone.

Now, what I think she fails to realize is that parenting isn't a race, a competition, an honor, a mistake or any other odd descriptor like that despite what some people may say. It is in fact a CHOICE. In fact, it's a combination of LOTS and LOTS of choices. And the super crappy thing is: You don't get magical powers to see what the end result will be when you make the choice. You don't see what will happen. As cool as it would be, it just doesn't happen. I can name the biggest choice I've made for T1 I wish, with HINDSIGHT wish I hadn't, but - at that TIME - it seemed like the best choice for her. *shrug* Not a damned thing I can do with that choice now but try to fix the ongoing damage she still has a year later.

What I also think is odd, is J2 calls my parents and chews them out for THEIR parenting skills. DUDE... You are 32 years old. GROW UP. Get over it. They were young, stupid and did the best they could with what they had. So they made some mistakes. Get over it. YOU are making some mistakes. Do you want your kid to call YOU in 30 years and run YOU up the flag pole because you are doing the best YOU can with that you have? No, probably not.  *sigh* We all make mistakes. It's what people DO. It's the nature of the beast.

But no one wants to hear, repeatedly, how they screwed something up 30 years ago.  Good lord, I don't really want to hear - repeatedly - how I screwed something up last week. Heavens sakes I know I DID but *I* am already over it..

And maybe that's why J2 and I are not close anymore. Maybe I just don't like being reminded about how when I was 5, I made her cry about spilling a cup or argued about something or took someone else's side in an argument. Because REALLY. Who cares?

And now for your amusement..

Monday, November 15, 2010

BIRTHDAY!!!!

We are going to jump ahead from Seattle for a moment and attack T1's 6th birthday. Because, well, it is more important and makes people happy vs not happy... (Mostly me..) This is the FIRST year the girl has EVER had a decent birthday. There were no meltdowns, fits, screaming, hiding, throwing of things, sobbing over meaningless things, panic attacks that lasted forever.. UNTIL: After her birthday. We are still trying to figure out what the deal is with that.  I think a BIG problem is a little girl that T1 has become OBSESSED with (we shall call her "L") didn't show up. T1 has seen this girl literally 4 times in a year, but decided she was her BEST FRIEND EVER and would be loving her forever. But since school started, I've not been able to contact her mom, invited her over to play to no avail, invited her to the party etc with no response.


Some friend that is..

BUT... T1 is still rather devastated. We've had to do A LOT of talking about how we cannot control the choices of other people, that people are not puppets, and that we HAVE a ton of great people who love us dearly who would do darn near ANYTHING for us and screw the b*&^# who doesn't bother to like us.  Heartbreakingly enough, she had me help her write a "Break Up" letter to "L". We are still holding it, to see if we REALLY want to mail it (admittedly for a 6 year old it is really harsh but honest) or if we will be ok with just letting it go now.

Now, on to funner things.. CAKE!!

We had 2. 1 that I let T1 decorate all on her own:


And 1 that, due to my inabilty to use my left hand (yes, there is a story, and yes I'm sure you will laugh..) I baked and Sarah ( http://oursunnyview.blogspot.com/ ) did the majority of the actual decorating. Because I suck. Well.. I don't ACTUALLY suck at cake decorating.. I just do when I can't use 1 of my hands..


It was gorgeous. And demolished in tasty goodness. And no.. While it does appear odd, there is NO actual Bisquick in the cake.

She had a heap of fantastic friends come over and shower her with love and you know what.. Screw "L".. I don't care what happened, maybe you "didn't get the invitation", "didn't remember", or "had something else to do that night". I don't care. You broke my 6 year old's heart. Obsessed as she may be ( because I do admit it's odd), you could at least let her down easily and finally.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

SEATTLE

So we took a trip (and still are really) to Seattle. C had a business trip and, stupidly, I agreed to bring the kids along and make it a "vacation".

Well some highlights:

1. The scenery is gorgeous. It's fall, the leaves are turning colors, the mountains are pretty. It really IS pretty.

2. The PEOPLE are a nasty mean sort that has "asshole" stamped all over them. Truly heinous. Extremely polite about it, but no matter how you dress up a donkey, it's still an ass.

3. There are NO children here. AT ALL. And apparently everyone hates them. Even when they are well behaved. And they fell free to be rude and nasty to any one who has any. Such as ask that they leave a coffee shop IF the child TALKS. yep.. That's right. Don't go to Lulu's Cafe if you have kids, they aren't welcome there, even though the OWNER has kids.

4. The rudest, most outspoken people, are the ones WITH kids. Confusion abounds with that one. Everyone else just looks at you like you are  a leper..


I'm sure I will have something good to say about this little hell hole of a place, perhaps when my hand isn't swollen twice it's size and blue again, have had more than 4 hours of sleep in the last 3 weeks, or perhaps C joins us for some of the "family" activities.. Who knows.. C on the other hand, loves it here. I did tell him he was welcome to move here, just without annnyyyonnneee else...

Monday, October 4, 2010

Stuff I've learned..

Stuff I've learned RECENTLY even.

1. By taping big ol' pictures on the wall it forces the kid's hands into a natural writing position and significantly helps strengthen their hands for writing.

2. "Brushing" is a technique I will apparently be learning to do on my kid and it seems a little weird cause it doesn't seem all that enjoyable to me.


3. My kids both had big gum balls but will not refuse them if offered.

4.  My spouse DOES know where the mop lives..

5. After about 3 weeks of no real adult contact, you get a little loony and start arguing with the physics of cartoons and the advisability of their ridiculous plans.

6. T2 thinks his Iron Man costume is "just like pajamas's".

7. I love spell check. A lot.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Stalling

That's right, I am avoiding being productive. There is an entire LONG list of things I *could* be doing and am currently SOOOO not. Laundry, cleaning the table, scrubbing cabinets, working on transcription stuff.  But, alas, I am not doing any of those things.. I am wasting time like it were free.. Which it so is not at my house.


 Anyhow.. Tomorrow is a great journey of the children's flu shots. Both of them.. At the same time. I'm not looking forward to it. Really NOT looking forward to it. It has been scheduled for OVER a month and I may dread it more than the kids. I believe bribery is going to be involved. Lots of it if I can avoid the inevitable screaming, kicking, crying, name calling, fit throwing fun.. Oi vey..

On a completely DIFFERENT note, homeschooling is going surprising well so far. (I shall recant said statement once I realize how epically I have failed BTW..) T1  likes math the best so far and has improved drastically in handwriting and reading. And oddly enough, I have heard SO many horror stories from people about their kids and their schools this year, that I'm not really ALL that sad anymore about the choice. Sure, some days I don't WANT to sit and explain why we have to hold the pencil a certain way 30 times.. BUT I would rather do that, then have NO ONE explain it to them. Plus T1 is using almost ALL 1st grade materials, which makes me happy and sad at the same time. It sets her up to have a harder time if she ever DOES want to go to a "real" school. But I'm not willing to say "Hey, honey.. Be a little dumber would ya..?" I don't push her and we work at increments she sets. I figure if she is setting the pace and SHE is ready for it, why hold her back. Sadly, she thinks this also has to be on Saturday and Sunday.

See I'm doing a marvelous job at stalling!

Another interesting tidbit to note, Prevacid will keep clonadine from being absorbed.. Just a little FYI...

And.. I REALLY Love it when the UPS guy shows up at my house at 7:53 pm and rings my doorbell. REALLY REALLY love that..

*ponders other items to help stall*

Sadly, I have run out of randomness for the current time.. :(

Thursday, September 16, 2010

New Meds- Help or Hurt?

Sooo we had a psych appointment for T1 on Tuesday and the doctor added an anti anxiety medication to her already special combo of medications. She's 51/2 almost 6. Of course, enter self-doubt. Is this what we should be doing for her, medicating a kid so young. But then... I look at her waking up and having a panic attack in the middle of the night, several times a night, over something benign.. Stupidly benign at that. She's already panicking about her birthday  - that's in NOVEMBER. Will there be cake? Will her friends hate her dress? Will she get presents? Umm WOW! Not just wonder these things but full-fledged panic. At 2 a.m. Nightly. In September.

Now the side effects. We've started on a TEENY TINY sliver of a pill. The lowest pill they make and we are quartering it. Tiny I say. And she is bouncing around like a squirrel on crack.. We had to pull out the little exercise trampoline so she could stop breaking things WITH her bouncing today, which is special since she's a very low energy kid. And then suddenly..She laughs like a hyena. Which we were expecting, because last time we tried a different anti-anxiety med a similar thing happened (same kind of med, just a different one..). But WOWSA.. Hyperactive crack squirrel monkey!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Wednesday.. What an odd day..

Today has been full of interesting gems.. Well the whole week really has been... I'm finding myself saying things I have never EVER ever EVER wanted to have to ever say. Things like: "We do NOT wipe our bums on the carpet, we use toilet paper here."  And "We do not call Grandma piggie. I promise she doesn't think it's funny."  Now, even better, after each of these statements are issued a rebuttal is also. "But mommy, I did wipe my bummy... I just sat down to put my underoos on and scooted around a little.. I didn't WIPE my bum on the carpet." SO then I get to go back and edit the above statement and make a rule that we have NO wiping, scooting, scootching, rolling or otherwise placing your naked bum ON the carpet especially after going to the bathroom. And then went and got the bleach for the carpet.

Then we went this morning and toured a donut shop and saw how donuts were made. The Tweedles thought the tour was super cool. They even gave them a free donut.. Yeahhh.. So they sit to eat these nice, fresh delicious donuts and after 1 bite they both turn to me and say "We don't like these.. They don't taste like the others.. The kind we USUALLY get."  Hummm.. The stale, Quick Trip donuts? Odd how fresh donuts taste differently.. "Can we not eat these and get the other kind, the good kind, the ones we like..? Please?"

After doing a *cough* taste test of the offending donuts (had to make sure they tasted ok and it really was just the kids you know..) we headed out and well.. I got them each a stale donut and called it done. It cost ME the same either way, and well.. If they want to eat stale donuts and think that's yumm-o, well.... I tried at least..  I would gladly take a fresh one over one that has been sitting out for a day anytime..

And next time you get a bloody nose.. Just remember.. according to #2 "It's not bleeding, they are just fancy boogers."

Friday, September 10, 2010

During Our Days..

So I'm becoming more and more aware that we are not normal.. We are SO not normal we are "ABnormal". To the point both kids are starting to notice it, point it out, and accept it as part of who they are. They've noticed they are the oldest/biggest kids out during school days, that no one else has one of these:



In their bedrooms, no one else is bothered by noise (and wears ear plugs to help combat this at birthday parties, the circus, playgroups etc), colors, people and so on.. But, honestly, I don't think that either one of them care. I think *I* may be the only one who is reluctant to give up them being "normal", mostly because it would be easier for them in the long run. It would be easier for T1 to go to regular school, but she cannot stand it. She just can't. And then we wouldn't be able to do this all day:


And there is something to be said for being able to build people and sculptures out of marshmallows and toothpicks then being Godzilla and well... Eating them.. And being able to count it AS school.

Or analyzing on the way to the grocery store why we are getting rain from a hurricane that is REALLY far away.. (Anything past 3 blocks away is "really far away".)

Or being able to make blueberry muffins and call it math because you have to measure stuff.

And I can gaurantee her handwriting has improved 1000% faster than it would in real school and we only work on it MAYBE 5 minutes a day...

But, like any parent that's worth having kids, I still worry if I'm forever screwing my kid(s) up. Clearly broke her by sending her to Pre-k (on some odd level, though if she wasn't predetermined to have problems, she never WOULD have had problems..) It's the old quandary of  is what we are doing fixing it, or making it worse..

Monday, September 6, 2010

Quandaries abound..

Dating was never a strong suit.. (And no dear spouse.. I am not dating anyone, so get your mind out of the gutter.) I'm realizing dating is also involved in making new friends. It's really awkward really when kids are involved too, especially when kids are involved. There's these questions: Do I like this person, do they like me, will my kid like them, will they like my kid?... THEN you get the waka-o-doos..  The clingers, the over-sharers, the in your personal space kinda people. WHAT do you do with those? My personal taste..? I ignore them. We developed a system of X number of personal questions for nosy people per visit in our family (when I was young..) and I like to randomly apply that rule.  And then, make up stupid things to tell people, to their nosy questions. I COULD politely answer or ask them to stop.. But, no. THAT, that would be too easy and well, I do enjoy a good waka-o-doo every now and then to screw with. Up to a point that is.  Then I just get annoyed and apply the above stated just ignore them tactic.


Some may feel that this isn't the "Grown Up" way to deal with people, but anyone who truly knows me will also probably readily admit that, most of the time, I am not "grown up". I talk to imaginary things a good half of my day, (yes, I know they are imaginary - they are part of a game with the kids you freaks..) I crawl on the floor, count on my fingers, play with marshmallows, and chant about "booger guns" on an almost daily basis...

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Bored...ALREADY!

The girl has pronounced herself... Wait for it....BORED... and has decided that she the reason she is fighting and surly with everyone is because of this. How she can be bored, I'm not quite sure. Things are certainly never BORING here. There's never a short of things to DO around here. But apparently I need to amuse the girl some more.

Tweedle 2 has gone back to wearing girls clothes occassionally to "Make Abby Happy":


I figure, if it makes him happy to make HER happy then by golly how can I complain.. Oh, and there was singing involved..

1 & 2 have decided that they want to share a room - at least for now too. Which *I* am ok with. It has completely solved the previous problem of #2 ALWAYS coming in and attempting to sleep with ME. WHY or HOW this has worked, I have no idea.. BUT we moved (and on this, I am in fact using the royal "we" meaning ME) 2's bed into 1's room and Viola called it done.

A therapy sensory swing was also made and attached to the ceiling on their shared bedroom. Yes, we attached a swing that swivels, rocks, and twirls to the ceiling in their bedroom. Odd - Yes. Some what practical for us.. Yes. I'll post a picture of it eventually.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Mourning..

Today was SUPPOSED to be T1's first day of REAL school. The Big K.. But it's not. She's here with me for an undetermined amount of time. It could be forever or it could be just for this year. Seeing as how she is well into the 1st grade math book and reading and writing books already, she may never be content at regular age delegated work.  She HATES being around people and it seems to be getting worse. I am trying, desperately, to get her to pull out of whatever "THIS" is, but on that I may fail. Like, apparently, everything else I do with her. We have an appointment with one of her doctors tomorrow and start with a new occupational therapist later this week, hopefully something will eventually get us somewhere.

On the brighter side of it, THIS is her math page she did today:


 Adding and subtracting with absolutely no help from me. She did it all smoothly and quickly. I was impressed to say the least. Yes, we need to work on writing the numbers a little more, but she's 5 and supposed to be JUST entering kindergarten. And oddly, in the 1 week we have been working on writing, her number are exponentially better than they were.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Weekend!

One full week of homeschooling down, a billion and a half to go. C did a science experiment today with 1&2 and they liked it. 1 also decided she NEEEEEEDED to do some math pages. I tried to explain to her that we were only going to do school MOST days, not EVERY single day of our lives. This little lesson was lost on her as she began to have a panic attack about that little plan. SOOOOO we did some pages and viola, the world was fine again. Sadly, I believe they have planned school work for tomorrow (Sunday) as well. It's great that they are liking it, but geesh can we say OCD?

SOOO another fun "adventure" is my mom staying with us. She's been here since Thursday and will be here until... well... she can walk. She had knee surgery so she is recouping..  1& 2 are staying in the same room to sleep in and surprisingly enough have been doing really well. 2 has a headache today but will drop off soon tonight hopefully, but the 3 hour nap probably didn't help anything either.

And we had our weekly Movie Night tonight. We watched The Emperors New Groove. It was your typical animated flick, but ehhh something to do that the kids think is "super awesome". And we made "the best brownies EVER". I wouldn't go that far, but for being made with black beans instead of oil and eggs they weren't bad. They aren't as fluffy but more of a fudge type brownie. So 1&2 were thrilled with a movie AND dessert. 

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

It's Started....

So we have officially started the whole "Homeschooling" thing. I'd say it's going okay so far. Abby seems to actually LIKE it. She asks for it. Pesters me for more even. I try to limit each "subject" to about 10-20 minutes per day and don't do every subject every day. Writing, reading, and math we are doing everyday. Music - which is consisting of piano lessons and practice - we are doing "most" days. Science we are doing mostly 1 day a week with a more of a hands on type thing and just answering whatever questions the kids happen to have in a slightly more in depth way other than.. "I dunno, the planets rotate I guess.."

Tweedle 2 gets more frustrated, more easily that 1. But he always has. With the motivation of a few neat-o stickers he has been fairly easily swayed to keep going. Plus the whole experience is more geared towards #1 for now anyhow. I push him until he's done then let it be.

To make things MORE fun, my mom is having surgery tomorrow and will be staying with us until she is healed enough to take care of herself and her house again. That should be an interesting joy.

To make up for the impending fun, Tweedles and I had a "Day of Fun". In consisted of a trip to Claire's for some clip on earrings (not for me obviously), a viewing of Despicable Me, and a trip to McDonald's for a happy meal and playing. Now how these items are "fun" I'm not quite sure, but the kids seemed to think they are. I figure I've made them adjust their normal routine completely and they've adjusted to it fairly well and not complained, it was a well worth it justification.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

A new blog..

I'm starting a new blog, one separate from the kids pictures and stuff, because at times I feel rather verbose. And really.. The picture blog only contains certain information I want *cough* certain people to have.. and at times I feel the need to discuss things at length to be ok with whatever decisions I need to make.

The newest conundrum is a doosy.. Tweedle 1 and school. *I* think she will only have maybe a 10% chance of being remotely successful. And it's not because she isn't smart and brilliant and a great kid. She's just not "normal" and "not normal" just doesn't fly with TPS.. And after the little (ok HUGE) problem with her pre-k last year I am almost horrified to do that to her again. I think we have decided that homeschooling - at least for now - is the best option for her. Which was not in the original plans. She was supposed to grow up and be happy and love school and be brilliant and have tons of friends and never have problems. BUT, this is not how it's happening for her. She has been having panic attacks about the IDEA of going to school. MASSIVE panic attacks because she's worried that they won't let her have "alone time". Well, they won't. It's school. They won't let her sit by herself in a quiet room and play all alone. So I talked with HER about what SHE wanted and she wants homeschooled for now. When I asked her about it again later, when I agreed that she COULD, she said "I'm not worried about anything now, you aren't making me go to big school."

It solidifies the decision and it makes me wonder if I should do more to push her past her comfort zone. Knowing her though, if I push her too far BAAAAADDD things happen. Bowel obstructions, panic/anxiety fits, no sleep, not eating, generalized bad mood and overall just.. Not her.. Soooo it puts me in that place of not knowing if it's the "right" decision or not.. I KNOW in hindsight that sending her to full day pre-k last year was the WRONG choice and I KNOW that she is LESS stable - in a mood/mental place - NOW than she was then..

Now the next problem, I have NO idea what I'm doing. I have a some friends (and thanks heaves for you all..) who are great resources because they HAVE been here and are willing to help me. I have a good support group of stay at home moms that will probably get tired and annoyed with me (sorry about that now..). I AM good with plans, schedules, self-drive.. etc.. And she does VERY well at learning from me so I'm not worried about that per se... But there is also Tweedle 2 to contend with which is a monster all in of itself.

And then there is that tiny, selfish bit, that wanted her to go to school because she can be difficult. It's a very tiny sliver, and I was planning on working, at least part time, when she was AT school.. So this changes THAT as well.. It will change that it will be part time - most likely in the evenings only.. Which is ok cause its something I can do from home, but its just a matter that it wasn't what was in the plans..

Maybe I should introduce Tweedle 1. She is a vibrant, mostly happy, very smart girl. She also has a sensory integration disorder, severe anxiety, and most likely OCD. She has trouble being in a room "with people" (for some reason *I* don't count as people and usually her brother and dad don't either..) and has a very difficult time with noise. She needs an extremely LARGE amount of time "alone". As in ALONE alone.. In her room, playing, completely quiet.. We have her in occupational therapy and on some medications to help her sleep (because she wasn't for several months) and to help her control her moods better.