A new blog..

I'm starting a new blog, one separate from the kids pictures and stuff, because at times I feel rather verbose. And really.. The picture blog only contains certain information I want *cough* certain people to have.. and at times I feel the need to discuss things at length to be ok with whatever decisions I need to make.

The newest conundrum is a doosy.. Tweedle 1 and school. *I* think she will only have maybe a 10% chance of being remotely successful. And it's not because she isn't smart and brilliant and a great kid. She's just not "normal" and "not normal" just doesn't fly with TPS.. And after the little (ok HUGE) problem with her pre-k last year I am almost horrified to do that to her again. I think we have decided that homeschooling - at least for now - is the best option for her. Which was not in the original plans. She was supposed to grow up and be happy and love school and be brilliant and have tons of friends and never have problems. BUT, this is not how it's happening for her. She has been having panic attacks about the IDEA of going to school. MASSIVE panic attacks because she's worried that they won't let her have "alone time". Well, they won't. It's school. They won't let her sit by herself in a quiet room and play all alone. So I talked with HER about what SHE wanted and she wants homeschooled for now. When I asked her about it again later, when I agreed that she COULD, she said "I'm not worried about anything now, you aren't making me go to big school."

It solidifies the decision and it makes me wonder if I should do more to push her past her comfort zone. Knowing her though, if I push her too far BAAAAADDD things happen. Bowel obstructions, panic/anxiety fits, no sleep, not eating, generalized bad mood and overall just.. Not her.. Soooo it puts me in that place of not knowing if it's the "right" decision or not.. I KNOW in hindsight that sending her to full day pre-k last year was the WRONG choice and I KNOW that she is LESS stable - in a mood/mental place - NOW than she was then..

Now the next problem, I have NO idea what I'm doing. I have a some friends (and thanks heaves for you all..) who are great resources because they HAVE been here and are willing to help me. I have a good support group of stay at home moms that will probably get tired and annoyed with me (sorry about that now..). I AM good with plans, schedules, self-drive.. etc.. And she does VERY well at learning from me so I'm not worried about that per se... But there is also Tweedle 2 to contend with which is a monster all in of itself.

And then there is that tiny, selfish bit, that wanted her to go to school because she can be difficult. It's a very tiny sliver, and I was planning on working, at least part time, when she was AT school.. So this changes THAT as well.. It will change that it will be part time - most likely in the evenings only.. Which is ok cause its something I can do from home, but its just a matter that it wasn't what was in the plans..

Maybe I should introduce Tweedle 1. She is a vibrant, mostly happy, very smart girl. She also has a sensory integration disorder, severe anxiety, and most likely OCD. She has trouble being in a room "with people" (for some reason *I* don't count as people and usually her brother and dad don't either..) and has a very difficult time with noise. She needs an extremely LARGE amount of time "alone". As in ALONE alone.. In her room, playing, completely quiet.. We have her in occupational therapy and on some medications to help her sleep (because she wasn't for several months) and to help her control her moods better.