New Psych

Today we went to a new psych. He does a combo of meds and talk. I set my expectations *extremely* low - given how much luck we've been having lately - it seemed justified. I wasn't displeased with him, nor am I giddy with joy we've met him either. The Girl went semi-psycho, which is good, therapists tend to look at parents crazy like when the kids don't. I did appreciate that he talked to her like a person. Some don't. Some do that "Hey, puppy dog, don't bite me, there's nothing to be afraid of" kind of speech pattern. That tends to irritate me. He doesn't have any good, magic ideas or solutions.

I've noticed most - if not all - therapist have a *thing*. A reason all people who have problems are messed up. A lack of food as a baby, inattention of the parent (there's a story for another time with that one), lack of sex in marriages. Apparently, this guy has decided that "The Girl's pain of potty training and issues in that aspect and continued issues with this are causing her anger and self-esteem problems". And "She shows no signs of Aspergers." Weeeelllll... Okay, well you have clearly never met her for more than 15 minutes then now have ya?

Now, the good of the last of that statement? The years of social training is working!! Fantastic!! She talks, she stayed on topic(ish), she looked near him as she spoke. I doubt she looked him IN the eyes, but close enough to fool his ass. Good for me! We've been working for just that for years. Literally, years. I honestly couldn't be prouder of her in that aspect.  Could she do that for longer than we were there? Na. Would it have worked if I wasn't in the room? Probably not. She sees me and it reminds her of the *rules*.  But, honestly, it doesn't matter if that guy thinks she has Aspergers or not. We know she does, it doesn't change anything.

Another, nit picky, thing he said that just irritated the hell out of me - is when asking about her meds - he asked 3 times if we'd given her a stimulate ADHD medication before. No, we haven't. She's already on anxiety meds, and sleep meds, and other mood meds (which is why we're there: to re-evaluate the meds) and on the third time I say that the only stimulant we've ever given her is coffee. Nothing else. She's been evaluated to have ADHD, we did not assume it. We don't treat it, nor say anything about it being an issue of any sort. He stops writing and turns to me and says "It's never been proven that coffee is a test for ADHD" umm?? Ok? Jolly then.. How about that psych test you all dole out? Does THAT? Yeah, ok then.

The one this I did like is that he correctly identified that her constipation is still an ongoing, chronic issue. He provided a do-able daily solution to resolve it. Now, is this creating deep psychological problems? I'm seriously doubting it. Massive, serious doubt.

He inquired if we had a councilor for her. When I answered I'd been trying to find one with availability, but having difficulty - he simply said "Oh". I would have suspected so sort of suggestion of where to look, a name, a firm. Something. A bit disappointed  there. I mean if you know a great shoe store and you know someone is looking for shoes - why not hook the 2 up?

We go back in a couple, three weeks. I am a bit curious what he'll do when we *cure* the constipation, but lo and behold The Girl is still neurotic. Could it be that poop is NOT the cause of all her problems?!? Oh. My. Will his world shatter?? It would be pretty amusing, I must admit.

It would be funny.. If this wasn't me..

Let's be honest, we all delight in other people's misery, Schadenfreude. This would be the best, juiciest gossip ever - if only it wasn't me.

The Girl has been declining in mood for the last few weeks. We had adjusted her meds once and have just been seeing how it goes, waiting for my mom to relocate to her new apartment, found out our goat is going to have a baby, one of our cats died, they announced a Girl Scout camping trip, several birthdays are coming up this week. A stressful week for a kid with aspergers and a host of other issues. A couple of days ago, we woke up to find a laundry basket of her stuff packed. Huh. Ok. Talked about it. Assumed it was a ploy for attention at 4 a.m., thought it was resolved.

Later that day, I found girl with our biggest chef knife behind her back, hiding it from me. Boy had fetched me while I was talking to the yard guy, to tell me that she was packing to "run away into the woods". We back up into a very, very large plot of wooded area, in addition to the couple of acres we own - so that is actually possible.

After a loud bit of screaming to put it down (which, thankfully, she did comply with) The Girl went on to spend 3 hours carrying on: screaming, crying, hitting me, running through the house, kicking me, lying, and general carrying on. I hadn't yet put together she'd hit a miss management of her medications, so I was trying to treat her like a logical 9 year old.

The next day, she pulled the same stunt. Giant knife in hand while walking across the kitchen counters. OH, heck, NO! So, we have locked the house down. I called her doctor - to see if I could move her appointment sooner. Of course not, they're full. But really, what I should do is take her to the inpatient mental hospital and drop her in. <---- Really???  For a 9 year old? You know, honestly, she DOES fit the criteria for inpatient. I do know this. She has been going on and on and on about how she is going to chop and slice and cup peoples hands off for touching her favored lovie. But for them to not even TRY to find an appointment?? It the child's Psych. You would think that they would have had an emergency spot built in!

So, after a very short conversation that consisted of hubby and I both saying no, we've both been attempting to keep girl alive since then. All knives and knife like items are either in the safe or in new lock boxes.

We had an appointment to get The Girl's medication reviewed  today. Disappointment abounds. There is no solid  plan in place. I can change her doses at will.  Unfortunately, right this moment, she's causing a conniption.

RRGGGG

RRRGGG said the dinosaur. I have not been this furious in YEARS.

 Oddly, not the kids. The continuous assault of someone (let's call them P for the lack of anything truly better) who is supposed be one of your biggest fans tearing you down - daily. It's easy to pass off at first, but infuriating as it builds. The flat out, blatant, insulting of my parenting is just down right unacceptable.  P assumes that everything the Asperger kid says is 100% correct. Surely, sweet perfect Girl could not be wrong? Oh, wait. perfect girl is currently attempting to become a psychopath and openly attempts to lie and manipulate EVERYONE! She admits to it even. So, yes, I am harsh and squash every single attempt at lies and manipulation. I don't let a single one slide. I don't want her to grow into a crazed serial killer. P goes behind  her going "But, my sweet Girl doesn't do XXX". Hell, yes she does! I have it on camera!

Even better? I have 2 polar opposite Aspies. Boy is calm, lies leak from his mouth like melted butter with a smile, and he waits for the right mood to get away with his schemes. Girl is always on fire, pushes everyone and everything 5 steps too far, hyperactive should have been her middle name. Together those 2 could plot the biggest heist ever. They'd tattle on themselves first though. Because of their different personalities, I treat and punish them differently. The Girl just sorted and gave away probably 2/3 of the stuff in her room. The last 1/3 is in bins duct taped shut in her closet. Why? She cannot figure out how to take care of her stuff! She simply cannot. She has about 5 outfits. Simple: Take care of those (wash and put away) get to pick more back out of the bin. It's been months. She cannot do it. We desperately want to give her things back, if fir no other reason than to gt them put of the way. But, she's 9-1/2. She is capable, but not willing, to take care of her things. Ironically, P, comes behind me to soothe and comfort and has been helping Girl. She's sabotaging my attempts to teach my special needs kids to be self sufficient! I don't plan on being 90 and washing my darling childrens' laundry.

I love my kids. I do everything I can think of for them. Including defend their right to be self sufficient, not coddled, taught how to do things (instead of done for), punished fairly, and a host of other things that should have to be a fight in your own home. Kids these age should be encouraged to get their own snacks, drinks, clean their places, make their beds, clean their beds. They are old enough and dexterous enough.  When P is around, these skills are discouraged and the kids are coddled. I try to correct MY kids and the stink eye comes out to never return home. It's like there is a file being written against every parenting choice I make.

My disappointment about how things have turned is almost palatable. I got the "request" that I not let the kids think something that had nothing to do with them, was their fault. Really? What kind of  mother am I to go around saying things like "Now, kids, this is ALL your fault!!" Really?!? Morely, what kind  person is P for thinking that lowly of me?  It's like asking your spouse "Now husband, please don't cheat on me today ok?" If you think THAT lowly of the person, why are you there?

And I guess the short of the long of it is just that. If someone really does just think THAT lowly of me and my spouse and my parenting and everything. Just shut up and get out of my house.

OMG

We have a little laptop the kids can use for their school. Recently, we discovered The Girl has been a bit creative in her idea of "school" usage. Several of the files she wrote and saved are absolutely AWESOME:

 Ty lets fly and soar though the sky.
               Abby lets go find us a boat so we can cruise
               though the ocean.


And:


                      one year aniversery with ty feb 18 


     dear diary today i will see how things go after the reveal of my love with ty wish me luck febuary 20th 8:24 2014     
     dear diary tonight i will hope and pray that my mom dosen't come to tykwando and that nobody finds out my secret love ty  
i also need to explain the plan to ty the plan is that we can't  date  until i am 16 and   then nobody in my family can know until i am 21 febuary20th 2014 3:50


And:

Mitchkle  i  love you  .you dazzle my eyes  .      i know you’re a nice  guy  right under  that shy  .                                                   

That  flaming red  hair that ‘s  brighter  than fire.  Id  rather  have that than be on fire.

                                When  were family remember  this  had a crush on you since i was  six

And:

The   destruction    is causing   an   eruption   .     Oh the   destruction      .   Ohoooo  the destruction !

And:

If   animals could talk my   house would  be filled with  chatter  . If animals   could  talk my house  would be  very LOUD !!!!   If animals could talk my family and I would be scared .

 

This is what she does instead of her school work.. Oy.

Sick, Post Surgery Help, and Kids

I'm about a week and a half post arm surgery and today my arm HURTS. I'm assuming it's nerves regrowing. I know from my back stuff that nerve regrowth hurts, so that would be logical. My hubby, C, has been working from home since the surgery. Usually, he he gets pretty irritated with the kids and animals while he's home and trying to work. He's been fantastic. He's taking great care of the farm (and we've had a ton of things hatching and we're trying to plan out out spring) and the kids have been trouble (mostly the girl), and I got/am nasty sick with a mild cold then the worst sinus infection ever.  He has not complained one time yet.

We have also come to find out the 85% of the fights caused recently between my mother and me have been caused by The Girl. The Girl knowingly has been manipulating mother and lying and because she didn't know any different mother dearest believed her. Well, as one might imagine, this caused problems. It won't now.

The Girl has been causing lots of problems for herself and for other people. Instead of writing her essays, she has been writing love poems to boys. Instead of correcting drafts, drawing little hearts and anatomically well..incorrect people and love odes. I'm going to post them when she's not looking. Because. WOW. Hours of her time, gone.

I apologize for tying errors, this is done 1 handed. ;)

Depression VS Anger

There's such a fine line when anger becomes depression and visa versa. When something happens (or someone does something) that angers you, maddens you so deeply - but really there isn't anything you can DO about it that could be deemed constructive - those are the things and actions that always toy with the anger/depression line.

 I had surgery Tuesday and am obviously starting to hit the apex of pain. Stitches are settling in, the tendon is doing whatever tendons do to reattach, nerves do whatever they do to heal (feel like they're on fire BTW).  *MY* plan had been to take a muscle relaxer, read a book, help the kids with their school some, lay around a LOT, let the 2 other grown-ups who live here be grown-ups and warm up one of the 450 freezer meals I already made, take the kids to their activities, clean the house, take care of the farm. Well. Hubby is trying really hard. He's been insulted and wronged by the other at his every attempt to do anything. So he doesn't even WANT to try to help (which he's just going to have to anyhow because - I only have 1 arm working) and the other *grown up* has been so blatantly sourly rude, it's not worth the breath to converse.

I understand that mental health is playing a large part in the case of the one. It always has in situations like these, but those who need the help always deny the need for it. ALWAYS. There is no point in arguing logic, there is none. They just want to argue. It's like when The Girl's meds are off. You cannot simply tell her that she should stop. She can't. Or trying to force The Boy to talk to people. People aren't meat puppets for us to dangle about. I guess that's the point of depression vs anger. I know what this person NEEDS. They are refusing to seek it and deeply hurting people on the way down.

Surgery and Recovery

I had surgery from an injury catching a guinea fowl and chicken. I tore the tendon in my left wrist and managed to get the ulnar nerve all twisted at the elbow and wrist.. So, surgery was at the elbow on the nerve, the wrist at the nerve and then on the tendon at the wrist. It's becoming obvious I have some kind of connective tissue disorder with how easily I get hurt. I can't use my arm at all right now, its a bit more challenging.  Hubby, C, is working from home to help take care of the farm, and get the kids to their activities, and make sure the house doesn't burn down while I randomly pass out from the meds. (And lets face it, we all want those to be taken.)

See, fell asleep 2 times already typing this. It's 3:30 in the afternoon.

So we're on week 6 of the new schooling plan. I've figured out a few key things:

• The Girl is brilliant, but lazy.  If there is a chance to procrastinate - she will.
• The Boy is behind  (as in, on par with his peers, not actually behind, behind) in spelling. He just needs a different approach, which we just haven't figured out yet.
• The Girl is motivated by nothing. It makes rewarding her very, very difficult. 

And on that, I'll take another nap. :)