New Psych

Today we went to a new psych. He does a combo of meds and talk. I set my expectations *extremely* low - given how much luck we've been having lately - it seemed justified. I wasn't displeased with him, nor am I giddy with joy we've met him either. The Girl went semi-psycho, which is good, therapists tend to look at parents crazy like when the kids don't. I did appreciate that he talked to her like a person. Some don't. Some do that "Hey, puppy dog, don't bite me, there's nothing to be afraid of" kind of speech pattern. That tends to irritate me. He doesn't have any good, magic ideas or solutions.

I've noticed most - if not all - therapist have a *thing*. A reason all people who have problems are messed up. A lack of food as a baby, inattention of the parent (there's a story for another time with that one), lack of sex in marriages. Apparently, this guy has decided that "The Girl's pain of potty training and issues in that aspect and continued issues with this are causing her anger and self-esteem problems". And "She shows no signs of Aspergers." Weeeelllll... Okay, well you have clearly never met her for more than 15 minutes then now have ya?

Now, the good of the last of that statement? The years of social training is working!! Fantastic!! She talks, she stayed on topic(ish), she looked near him as she spoke. I doubt she looked him IN the eyes, but close enough to fool his ass. Good for me! We've been working for just that for years. Literally, years. I honestly couldn't be prouder of her in that aspect.  Could she do that for longer than we were there? Na. Would it have worked if I wasn't in the room? Probably not. She sees me and it reminds her of the *rules*.  But, honestly, it doesn't matter if that guy thinks she has Aspergers or not. We know she does, it doesn't change anything.

Another, nit picky, thing he said that just irritated the hell out of me - is when asking about her meds - he asked 3 times if we'd given her a stimulate ADHD medication before. No, we haven't. She's already on anxiety meds, and sleep meds, and other mood meds (which is why we're there: to re-evaluate the meds) and on the third time I say that the only stimulant we've ever given her is coffee. Nothing else. She's been evaluated to have ADHD, we did not assume it. We don't treat it, nor say anything about it being an issue of any sort. He stops writing and turns to me and says "It's never been proven that coffee is a test for ADHD" umm?? Ok? Jolly then.. How about that psych test you all dole out? Does THAT? Yeah, ok then.

The one this I did like is that he correctly identified that her constipation is still an ongoing, chronic issue. He provided a do-able daily solution to resolve it. Now, is this creating deep psychological problems? I'm seriously doubting it. Massive, serious doubt.

He inquired if we had a councilor for her. When I answered I'd been trying to find one with availability, but having difficulty - he simply said "Oh". I would have suspected so sort of suggestion of where to look, a name, a firm. Something. A bit disappointed  there. I mean if you know a great shoe store and you know someone is looking for shoes - why not hook the 2 up?

We go back in a couple, three weeks. I am a bit curious what he'll do when we *cure* the constipation, but lo and behold The Girl is still neurotic. Could it be that poop is NOT the cause of all her problems?!? Oh. My. Will his world shatter?? It would be pretty amusing, I must admit.

RRGGGG

RRRGGG said the dinosaur. I have not been this furious in YEARS.

 Oddly, not the kids. The continuous assault of someone (let's call them P for the lack of anything truly better) who is supposed be one of your biggest fans tearing you down - daily. It's easy to pass off at first, but infuriating as it builds. The flat out, blatant, insulting of my parenting is just down right unacceptable.  P assumes that everything the Asperger kid says is 100% correct. Surely, sweet perfect Girl could not be wrong? Oh, wait. perfect girl is currently attempting to become a psychopath and openly attempts to lie and manipulate EVERYONE! She admits to it even. So, yes, I am harsh and squash every single attempt at lies and manipulation. I don't let a single one slide. I don't want her to grow into a crazed serial killer. P goes behind  her going "But, my sweet Girl doesn't do XXX". Hell, yes she does! I have it on camera!

Even better? I have 2 polar opposite Aspies. Boy is calm, lies leak from his mouth like melted butter with a smile, and he waits for the right mood to get away with his schemes. Girl is always on fire, pushes everyone and everything 5 steps too far, hyperactive should have been her middle name. Together those 2 could plot the biggest heist ever. They'd tattle on themselves first though. Because of their different personalities, I treat and punish them differently. The Girl just sorted and gave away probably 2/3 of the stuff in her room. The last 1/3 is in bins duct taped shut in her closet. Why? She cannot figure out how to take care of her stuff! She simply cannot. She has about 5 outfits. Simple: Take care of those (wash and put away) get to pick more back out of the bin. It's been months. She cannot do it. We desperately want to give her things back, if fir no other reason than to gt them put of the way. But, she's 9-1/2. She is capable, but not willing, to take care of her things. Ironically, P, comes behind me to soothe and comfort and has been helping Girl. She's sabotaging my attempts to teach my special needs kids to be self sufficient! I don't plan on being 90 and washing my darling childrens' laundry.

I love my kids. I do everything I can think of for them. Including defend their right to be self sufficient, not coddled, taught how to do things (instead of done for), punished fairly, and a host of other things that should have to be a fight in your own home. Kids these age should be encouraged to get their own snacks, drinks, clean their places, make their beds, clean their beds. They are old enough and dexterous enough.  When P is around, these skills are discouraged and the kids are coddled. I try to correct MY kids and the stink eye comes out to never return home. It's like there is a file being written against every parenting choice I make.

My disappointment about how things have turned is almost palatable. I got the "request" that I not let the kids think something that had nothing to do with them, was their fault. Really? What kind of  mother am I to go around saying things like "Now, kids, this is ALL your fault!!" Really?!? Morely, what kind  person is P for thinking that lowly of me?  It's like asking your spouse "Now husband, please don't cheat on me today ok?" If you think THAT lowly of the person, why are you there?

And I guess the short of the long of it is just that. If someone really does just think THAT lowly of me and my spouse and my parenting and everything. Just shut up and get out of my house.

Back to School Time

    For public school anyhow. We do year round school. Back to school time means friends that go to "Big School" (public or private schools) are going to be sadly missing from weekday playdates. 1 & 2 are sad because we have a few staple friends we see regularly they adore and see less of and there's a lot less of the "Hey wanna play?" going on. The good news is Back to School clearance Sales in about a week. They LOVE those because I let them pick out pretty much as much art supplies, writing implements, markers, notebooks, clearance clothes and whatnots they want. 75% off! WOOT.. We also get the added benefit of having an Back to School party with them because we're all down with any reason to party.

This year I've found a new homeschool group. I'm also going to look into a new co-op I've found that meets 2 times per week and is free of fees except supplies when *I*  would be leading (which is - from my understanding 4 times per year with another person so.. 2 times a year? ) and parental involvement is wanted on the days you aren't leading which is more ideal that some other co-op setups (for these 2)  I've seen. I'm going to a "Mom's Planning Meeting" next week where I'll hopefully find more out about it, but the consistency of a group like that with the same people, a familiar routine but with new people teaching the kids new things *I* would never think of is somewhat appealing. People like that tend to do crafts and stuff that I abhor. I don't know if it's going to work out, but it has potential so I'm gonna give it a whirl. Plus, it may be a good way to find wee boy some more "boy" friends. He's a little too comfortable answering to the term "Hey, Girls! Stop!" whenever we go out with friends.

Girl Scouts starts again soon too. It wee girl has really enjoyed it so far. I think she's finally settling in with this group of girls even though she is by far the youngest and smallest. She's on par with reading, writing, and other academic skills and at the end of last year she told the girls she's got Aspergers - though I don't think any of them get it. (And really, why would they? The oldest girls are 9.) This year one of our *goals* is to ask for help. When she gets confused by what people say - which happens a lot - she tends to just stand there and be confused. So we've talked about how when she is confused about a game, a phrase, what's going on - to just ask. Maybe pick a friend or 2 (she's got a couple of good ones in there that are just fantastic girls) what something means. The other girls won't care, they're beginning to realize she's a little different and like most little girls when they've been around someone for a while, just ignore it.

The boy working on typing!

We turned the fish tank into a frog/tadpole tank. I ordered 15 tadpoles from Ebay (yeah, who would have thought??) and they arrived via Fedex a few days later. Oddly, only a couple got eaten and the rest have been turning into successful little frogs!

Our tadpole turning into a frog.

Aspergers and Learning

I must admit that trying to teach a kid with aspergers is both easier and harder than "normal" kids. T1 learns quickly. VERY quickly. Too quickly. I can throw things that a 6-1/2 should have no idea how to go about tackling and she gets it. Her logic is complicatedly sound. It's not a simple process like it is for T2. He just sits, looks at it, and KNOWS the answer. She looks at it, studies it, ponders it, and then some how makes these odd judgments that I can almost never figure out to get to the same answer. But she gets there.  This is true for all logic, math, science, and any similar problem that has definitive rules.  When you get to things like morality it gets a little dicey. There isn't a single "rule" for ALL situations for her to follow.  It's a big part of the reason she is homeschooled actually. The difference between when it's ok to defend against a bully and when it's best to walk away is a big example. There are SO many different situations that's really impossible for us to role-play all of them. We try to get as many as possible, but even within that there are so many different variables you can't account for there by making the "rules" void. The "rules" in her mind, are only good if the situation matches.

T2 and T1 make a great pair in most ways though. T2 gets people. He can read them, play them, dance away and never be bothered by any of it. T1 can't. She just.. Can't. She can't tell if they are kidding, serious, mean, kind, rude, sarcastic. Then gets into quite a tizzy about it because it's thrown her off kilter or something will happen and she won't notice ANYTHING has happened. A work in progress my T1.

We have 1 full week left of brushing every 2 hours (so we are on day 53). It's an annoying process. The benefits we are starting to see are ENORMOUS. It calms her almost instantly after joint compression. It helps her regain train of thought. She has been able to keep herself from throwing massive, uncontrollable, hour-lasting fits. So. Pain in the rump - YES. A worthwhile pain to have? YES. She has never really "warmed up to" the brushing, but does tolerate it which is the best I can expect.

I'm going to get the kids to work on Super Puppy with me here in a bit. The pictures are Hilarious! I may actually have to do an 2 sets of Super Puppy. 1 where they create the story and one where *I* do because the pictures are really JUST that good. Plus I need to figure out how to make little tabs at the top of blogger here. I'm not sure I know how just yet, but that would be a way for the whole story line to stay together.. Humm.. My and technology are just not always friendly..